Chapter Nine: Power: An Architect of Conflict

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0><script type="text/javascript" src="http://hb.lycos.com/hb.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://ratings.lycos.com/ratings/lycosRating.js.php"></script> <script type="text/javascript"><![CDATA[//><!]]></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://scripts.lycos.com/catman/init.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-start.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-middle.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-end.js"></script> <noscript> <img src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/img/common/ot_noscript.gif?rand=434051" alt="" width="1" height="1" />  <iframe frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" width="728" height="90" src="http://ad.yieldmanager.com/st?ad_type=iframe&ad_size=728x90&section=209094"></iframe>  </noscript> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=100 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="31800640egdysm.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="6" COLOR="#000066" FACE="Tahoma" ><B>The Message</b></FONT><FONT SIZE="6" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Tahoma" ><B> </b></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Tahoma" ><B> </b></FONT><B>|   </b><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Message"><U><B>The Message Home Page</b></U></A><B> </b><B> |  </b><A HREF="small_group_communication_by_lynn_meade.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Small Group Home Page"><U><B>Small Group Home Page</b></U></A><B>  </b><B> |  </b><A HREF="id23.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Me"><U><B>Contact Me</b></U></A></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> A Communication Website by Lynn Meade</div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=150 BGCOLOR="#0000BF" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" height=380 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B>Chapter Nine: Power: </b></div> <div> <B>An Architect of </b><B>Conflict</b></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="32695aa0.jpg" border=0 width="149" height="170" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></b></div> <div> <B><U>Imbalance of power</U></b></div> <div> When power is inequitably distributed in a group dominance becomes the focus, systemwide power struggles often ensue. </div> <bR> <div> <B>Physical violence and aggression</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The greater the inequality , the more one person makes all the decisions and has all the power, the greater risk of violence. Power, power confrontations, and perceived threats to domination, in fact, are underlying issues in almost all acts of family violence. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Violence easily spills beyond the husband-wife relationship and becomes a systemwide problem.</div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Workplace bullying occurs when supervisors screams at subordinates and coworkers and humiliate competent employees by taking away their responsibilities when work is not performed to the exact specifications of the bullying supervisor.  </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">In 1998, in the US, 2 million people were victims of violence on the job. </div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Verbal and nonverbal contempt</b></div> <div> Contempt is the verbal or nonverbal expression of insult that emotionally abuses others. It seeks to humiliate, even destroy whoever is targeted. </div> <bR> <div> Focus on Culture: Power Distance and Cultural Differences</div> <div> <IMG SRC="09822240.gif" border=0 width="546" height="36" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B>Transacting Power</b></div> <div> Transacting power in groups can involve any of five general responses: Compliance, Alliance, Resistance, Defiance, Significance (CARDS)</div> <bR> <div> <B>Compliance: The power of groups</b></div> <div> Compliance is the process of consenting to the dictates and desires of others.  It involves both obedience to authority and conformity to group norms. </div> <bR> <div> <B>Conformity versus obedience</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Conformity to group norms can sometimes prove to be more powerful tendency than obeying authority. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Most people are compliant in most situations. </div> <bR> <div> <B>Two types of conformity</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Expedient conformity </b>occurs when an individual expresses attitudes and exhibits behaviors acceptable to the group, yet harbors private beliefs at odds with the group. Expedient conformists remain true to the group only when they are under constant surveillance. </div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Private acceptance </b>occurs when an individuals public and private attitudes and beliefs are compatible with the group's norms and viewpoint. </div> <div> <IMG SRC="09822240.gif" border=0 width="546" height="36" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <B>Closer Look:  The Bizarre Case of Patty Hearst</b></div> <div> Expedient conformity can lead to private acceptance. </div> <bR> <div> <B>How did Patty Hearst become a convert?</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">She fell victim to the <B>Stockholm Syndrome: </b>The person inflicting distress is also perceived as the one who can give relied.  Thus pressure is exerted for the victim to accommodate to the party who comes to be seen as the only one able to offer relief. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The SLA used<B> boundary control </b> She only received her information form the SLA captors. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">She was given a <B>perception of free choice</b>, not cohesion.  She gradually come to believe that she had the freedom to walk out but was strongly encouraged to stay.</div> <div> <IMG SRC="09822240.gif" border=0 width="546" height="36" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <B>Group influence and conformity</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Deindividuation- </b>occurs when individuals shed their personal identities and  replace them with a group persona.  This often liberated group members inhibitions to behave antisocially. </div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Pressure toward uniformity</b> is a result of group influence. </div> <bR> <div> <B>Alliance: Coalition formation</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Alliances</b> are associations in the form of subgroups entered into for mutual benefit or common objective. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Temporary alliances are called <B>coalitions. </b></div> <bR> <div> <B>Minimum power versus minimum resources</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Weaker members of groups increase their power primarily by forming coalitions. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Coalitions are formed not simply to advance the goals of the allied members but also to prevent the attainment of noncoalition members goals. </div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Minimum power theory- </b>"Weakness is strength". In a triad the weakest member will be the only one who will always be included in a coalition</div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Minimum resource theory</b> "strength is weakness."  Group members with the most power are included in coalitions often less than are weaker members. </div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Minimum power theory accurately predicts likely coalitions when the group members are highly sophisticated strategic players.  Minimum resource theory accurately predicts likely coalitions when group members are inexperienced and naive about coalition formation. </div> <bR> <div> <B>Additional perspectives</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Some coalitions occur on the basis of identification with another member. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Coalitions do not form in the absence of communication. </div> <div> <IMG SRC="09822240.gif" border=0 width="546" height="36" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <B>Resistance: Covert noncompliance</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Resistance is normally the choice of the less powerful</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Resistance is a covert form of communicating noncompliance and is often duplicitous (contradictory speech or thought with the intent of deceiving)  and manipulative. </div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Types of resistance strategies / passive aggression</U></b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Strategic stupidity</b> works exceedingly well when the lower-power person claims stupidity, is forces to attempt the task anyway, then purposely performs the task ineptly. </div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Loss of motor function-</b>-The resistor acs incredibly clumsy, often resulting in costly damage.  The nonverbal behavior displays resistance but the verbal statement that often accompanies it feigns a genuine attempt to comply. </div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The misunderstanding mirage-</b>-"I thought you meant", "I could have sworn you said." Masked behind a cloak of great sincerity  is one who makes illusory mistakes. </div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Selective amnesia-</b>Forgetting things that one finds distasteful. You agree to perform the distasteful task and then forget to do them. </div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Tactical tardiness-</b>Showing contempt by being late for reasons within your control </div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Purposeful procrastination-</b> Promising to do that which you have no intention of doing anytime soon, if ever. </div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Ways to Deal with Resistance Strategies in Groups</U></b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Confront the strategy directly</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Thwart the enabling process. (Don't wait for the chronically late. ) Do not be a party to the resistance. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Give clear directions regarding specific tasks. </div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> Those who are defiant dig in their heels </div> <div> while those who are resistant drag their feet. </div> <bR> <div> <B>Defiance: Overt noncompliance</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Defiance is an overt form of communicating noncompliance.  It is unmitigated, audacious rebellion against attempts to induce compliance. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">When deviance is purposeful, conscious, overtly rebellious act, it becomes defiance. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Group members turn to defiance when they perceive little or no chance of enhancing their power position through formation of an alliance, resistance strategies seem in appropriate or ineffective, or they feel like exhibiting independence from group conformity. </div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Threat of contagion-</b> Defiance can be contagious. </div> <div> <B>Variable group reaction-</b> Groups vary in their reaction s to defiant members. </div> <div> Some norms are not as important as others, the degree of deviation also affect whether a group discourages nonconformity an d to what extent. </div> <bR> <div> <B>Four Communication Strategies Groups Typically use </b></div> <div> <B>to Command Compliance from Deviant Members</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Reason </b>with the Deviant</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Seduction</b>-try to make the deviant feel guilty or uncomfortable because the group is made to look bad in the eyes of outsiders.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Co-optation- offers of reward in exchange for compliance</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Coercion-</b> Abusive or threatening. : Ridicule, repression, rejection</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Isolation</b>-Ostracising the person</div> <div> <IMG SRC="09822240.gif" border=0 width="546" height="36" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B>Significance: Self-empowerment</b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Assertiveness-</b>The ability to communicate the full range of your thoughts and emotions with confidence and skill. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">To be assertive is to be sensitive to others wile also looking out and standing up for yourself. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Assertiveness is not a strategy of resistance. </div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="32867770.gif" border=0 width="103" height="119" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Assertive Behavior:  D>E>S>C> Scripting</U></b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Describe</b> the behavior that is troublesome</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Express</b> how you think and feel about the offending behavior</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Specify behavior </b>preferred as a substitute for bothersome behavior</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Consequences</b> of changing behavior or continuing without change should be articulated.</div> <bR> <div> Closer Look: Conspicuously Unassertive</div> <bR> <div> <B>Increasing personal power in groups.</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Personal improvement</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Learn valued skills</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Mentoring and networking</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="36c67940.jpg" border=0 width="103" height="148" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> Stop! You Are Driving Me Crazy!!!</div> <div> From Bach and Goldberg in <I>Creative Aggression</I>, page 236-269</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> <TABLE BORDER="5" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="478" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#3300FF" BORDERCOLORDARK="#330099" FRAME="BOX" RULES="NONE" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 83 WIDTH="460"><div> <B>Double Bind:</b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Darned if you do, darned if you don't. Victim is doomed to rejection no matter what.  Person is frequently in a state of anxiety that oscillates constantly between feelings of euphoria and depression.</FONT></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 63 WIDTH="460"><div> <B>Mind Raper:</b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Person appears to be helpful.  I know you better than you know yourself, you don't really feel..., big boys aren't scared of the dark</FONT></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 102 WIDTH="460"><div> <B>Guiltmaker:</b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Grossly exaggerate the impact. Beneath concern and helpfulness is a need to totally dominate and control.  The person does not recognize their motives at all.  Because you were late, we will never get the account.  You hurt my feelings and ruined my whole weekend.</FONT></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 79 WIDTH="460"><div> <B>Nonengagement:</b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >  Emotional withdrawal.  The nonengager causes the other person to feel like the heavy ogre and the fight starter.  Implication is it's not worth my energy, I don't care to get involved, my head's somewhere else.</FONT></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 83 WIDTH="460"><div> <B>Thinging:</b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Treatment of others as if they were and object.  Fail to relate on an emotional level.  Person is a "business contract, " "golf-buddy," "car mechanic."  Parents sometimes use things to buy relationships with children</FONT></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 63 WIDTH="460"><div> <B>Mystification:</b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Relies heavily on the dependency and ignorance of the victim.  "If I weren't around to fulfill your needs, you couldn't survive.  The goal is to maintain control</FONT></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 121 WIDTH="460"><div> <B>Crisismaking: </b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >Abort communication and instill frustration, fear and confusion by strategically dropping in threats of abandonment, suicide, divorce, illness, emotional breakdowns, or firing whenever the victim attempts to come to grips with a situation that treatens this crazymaker. "I'm going to kill myself," "I'm going home to mama," "If you don't like it you can leave."</FONT></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 121 WIDTH="460"><div> <B>Closure Block or Derailing:</b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > Shifts the focus in the middle of an aggression confrontation to prevent the resolution of the conflict.  It moves them from the offensive to the defensive with the use of either counter accusations or irrelevant flattery, which derails then.  "I can't spend all morning on this." or in the middle of a conflict, "Who picked out that awful shirt?"</FONT></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 140 WIDTH="460"><div> <B>Reinforcer: </b><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >Keeps others tied into destructive relationships with occasional crumbs of love, affection, flattery, or material reward.  An indirect form of sadistic behavior that increases in intensity in direct relationship to the dependency of the victim.. The victim tells himself that the crazymaker really is a "nice guy," "loving,""caring".  In spite of his fault he really has a good heart.  The faults are very destructive. </FONT></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>